This is a post I wrote back in 2013.

According to a 2013 report on the BBC's website, a study of families in the USA and in China suggests that most parents tell lies to their children in a bid to influence their children's behaviour for the better.

The study, published in the International Journal of Psychology, examined the use of "instrumental lying" and found that tactically-deployed falsehoods were used by the overwhelming majority of parents. The study was based on interviews with about 200 families.

The most commonly used lie was parents stating to a child that they were going to walk away and leave the child to his or her tantrum. Another lie that was common in both the USA and China was the "false promise to buy a requested toy at some indefinite time in the future."

Researchers defined a number of categories for these untruths.

"Untrue statements related to misbehaviour" included "If you don't behave, I will call the police" and "If you don't quiet down and start behaving, the lady over there will be angry with you."

Under the category of "Untrue statements related to leaving or staying" one parent said, "If you don't follow me, a kidnapper will come to kidnap you while I'm gone."

There were also lies motivated by protecting a child's feelings - "Untrue statements related to positive feelings." So to secure an exit from a toy shop, one parent said, "I did not bring money with me today. We can come back another day."

There was also a selection of lies relating to "fantasy characters", also used to encourage good behaviour, such as in the run-up to Christmas.

The study found that there was an acceptance of such lies among parents when they were used as a way of reinforcing desirable social behaviour. For example, the lie told to children that they would grow taller for every mouthful of broccoli was seen as encouraging healthy eating habits.

According to the BBC:

The study raises the longer-term issue of the impact on families of such opportunistic approaches to the truth. It suggests it could influence family relationships as children get older. The researchers, headed by Gail D. Heymana, Anna S. Hsua, Genyue Fub and Kang Leeac, concluded that this raises "...important moral questions for parents about when, if ever, parental lying is justified".

Of course Christian parents would never lie to their children, would they? I wonder…

It is a massive under-statement to say that parenting is a very difficult task. You get no opportunity to rehearse in realistic conditions beforehand. When you emerge from it, battle-scarred and weary, it's usually too late to put what you've learnt into practice again. I suppose being a grandparent offers some opportunity for this, but I don't think it can be similar to parenting unless you happen to live with your grandchildren in a multi-generational home.

Christian parenting adds more complexity since you want your children to grow up and become committed Jesus-followers themselves. It is not enough that they eventually conform to your prevailing culture's view of how mature, well-rounded people act and think. You desire that they be strong in faith. You try and give them a biblical world view. You want them to be believers.

As a church leader, I am keen that parents get all the support that they need to rise to this challenge. I am anxious that the church's programme for the children and young people is intentional in producing full, passionate disciples of Jesus. No more, and no less, than expected for adult activities in the church. We are not babysitting the children while the adults get on with "real church". Rather we are equipping them for the work of ministry, for lives of service to Christ that begin right now.

So why am I concerned that we may be spinning lies to our children?

I think there are dangerous traps laid for us that demand real care if we are to avoid them:

• Feeding our children on a diet of Bible stories without challenging them to live the life (and pay the cost) of being a Jesus-follower.

• Abusing Christian truth, for instance, "God is watching you", to bring about surface behaviour change without properly introducing children to the transforming gospel and to life in the Holy Spirit.

Because children are less skilled than adults at maintaining appearances and saying the "right" things, their immaturity, (and let's face it, their sinfulness), is sometimes more readily visible than that of adults. As a result, we can be harder on them than we are with adults. Behind this lies an assumption that sadly may go unchallenged: a child who believes must be immature; on the other hand, an adult who believes is probably mature.

Ask many parents - even Christian ones - and their chief ambition for their children is for them "to be happy". The lie comes when we tell our children that God will make them happy. Now I'm not dismissing the joy of following Jesus, but when we actually consider God's overarching purpose to be to fulfil our lives and make us happy, we have done more than simplify the gospel message - we have distorted it.

I appreciate the need to communicate with children in a way that's appropriate for their age. I readily accept that children are capable of grasping greater depths of truth as they grow older and young minds develop. Nonetheless, we owe it to our children to give them a full-bodied, all-or-nothing challenge to daily take up the cross, follow Jesus and be his disciple.

Are we lying to our children? Do you find yourself watering down the message rather than making it more accessible? Do we believe Jesus when he says we should receive the kingdom of God as a child?